Love Among the Lawyers: Taking the distance out of a long distance relationship

July 16, 2008

Long distance romances are tough for any couple, but when one or both are attorneys, all I can say is “Good grief!” Why? The law is a possessive mistress and rarely allows the time necessary to make long distance relationships work. By nature, these relationships tend to be stressful and lawyers already have enough stress in their lives. These days, many couples have dual careers. By the time they call me, they typically have already assessed their current situation and possible alternatives and have decided that living in Chicago is their best option. (And being a long time Chicagoan myself, I have to agree!) There are also family ties to be considered. For example, couples/families choosing to move closer to ailing parents and young families wanting to be closer to grandparents.

When I begin working with an attorney, I initially screen them to confirm that their credentials and experience are likely to be sought by my clients before discussing various options. Sometimes, because a geographic change is already being made, the attorney also decides to make a practice area change. I usually recommend remaining flexible because an alternative career option may or may not be available, and there will always be more choices within the practice area where the attorney has already gained the most experience. It’s best to look at a broad range of possibilities and once interviews are requested, make a preliminary list of the potential employers (ranking by preference), revise the list after first interviews, again after second interviews, etc. Often the attorney is planning to be here every other weekend to visit his/her significant other or a relative, so I try to schedule multiple interviews on a Monday or Friday to coincide with those weekends. It makes it easier for the couples and is a less obvious absence from the work place.

More advice to the relocating attorney(s): The interview/hiring process may take only one or two trips, but do not be discouraged if it takes more. It’s fine to compromise by taking a good position versus the “perfect” one. However, do not accept just any position because you may end up moving again too quickly, which will look bad on your resume and potentially hurt your career. Additionally, if you are unhappy in your new job, it may impact negatively on your relationship—which is why you moved in the first place, right? I strongly recommend never leaving an out-of-state employer until you have accepted an offer in Chicago. It leaves you in a vulnerable position during both the interviews and the salary negotiations. Most employers consider it a red flag.

It feels wonderful every time the word “long distance” is eliminated from a couple’s or family’s relationship. I’m thinking of adding to my legal recruitment goals, the goal of bringing a couple or family together in Chicago from every other state…(and there is always international!) … Love knows no boundaries!

Chris Percival is a Senior Legal Search Consultant for Chicago Legal Search, Ltd. She has been published in the Lawyers Guide to the Chicago Job Market, has spoken before the ISBA on in-house legal careers and the CBA’s Part-Time Lawyers Network and has been quoted in the national and local news media.